No amount of training, or if you're me, news-watching and thinking you are worldly, can prepare you for coming to a war zone. The only thing you learn from going through Rapid Deployment Screening in the US is that the being in the Army SUCKS and you're glad you're not in the Army. Trust me, you dont want to have to deal with this full time. (This is the one time in my LIFE that I am glad that I had bilateral kidney stones that prevented me from getting into the Army)
But the minute you step off the plane and you're up to your ankles in sand, surrounded by miltary tactical vehicles and people with loaded weapons, it kind of hits you.. "Oh shit! I can DIE here!, like, for real die!"
Unless you have been in a life or death situation before, this is a frightening moment for you. I can not explain to you what it is like to taste your own mortality for the first time. And despite what the salty dogs tell you, even the pogues/FOBbits/whatever they call those who stay inside the wire now are in significant, if not immanent danger.
Despite the brave front that even the most manly and seasoned of soldier/contractor will put on for you, a mortar/rocket attack is SCARY. It's loud, it shakes the ground, if you're close enough, sometimes there is a big flaming ball when it hits the ground, there is shrapnel... people die and are injured all the time from mortar and rocket attacks. Even when the anti-rocket artillery blasts that shit right out of the sky it makes a sickening screeching sound like god is farting( imagine if god farted. seriously, that is what it sounds like). This is accompanied by fireballs and explosions in the sky. I don't care WHO you are, what you've been through, that is some scary shit. Think about it for a minute.. someone just tried to KILL you. Like, literally. You escaped death, congratulations.
Of course, the only way anyone can really get through the day out here is to pretend it doesnt bother them. The other day I was sitting in the truck by the DFAC waiting for the rest of my crew to get back from getting their food. Just as they walked up, the anti-rocket artillery went off, and I jumped a little bit. One of them was like "HAHAHAHAH ANDREA! You LOSER! Its just the C-RAM!!!!" Which of course, I then played off like it was no big deal. Its actually a running joke that if the alarms go off and we are in our CHU, most of us seasoned Iraqi veterans just listen to make sure they're aren't insurgents jumping the fence, and then roll over and go back to sleep. I honestly don't know ANYONE who actually goes to the bunker. A few weeks ago me and a co-worker were outside the PX and the alarms went off, and the security guys at the PX told us to get in the bunker, which we did, bitching with the 20 other people trying to get into the PX at the time. It smells like pee in there! Of course, there is always that one asshole who is like " I would rather smell pee then be dead." This guy is always a n00b.
What I am getting at here is humor and .. well.. I suppose avoidance.. is really a coping mechanism when you are out in the desert. I mean, yeah, after being here for awhile, you develop a routine that you're comfortable with. That routine might involve rolling over and going back to sleep when the alarms go off, or that routine may be carrying your IBA and Kevlar with you to the shower. There are many, many variables that affect your routine and how safe you feel.
It's when you get home that you start to feel weird. You can drive more than a mile without going off post and getting killed by an IED attack? no way! Indoor Plumbing? How can this be?? The real world seems strange and foreign. You find yourself on the ground after hearing a car backfire in the Wal-mart parking lot. Seriously.. you yell "incoming" and everything. Your friends or family all look at you like you've completely lost it, not to mention the hundreds of wal-mart shoppers turned spectators to your freakshow. Trust me when I say it will be a long, long time before you can go to sleep without that little voice in the back of your head warning you to remain vigilant. The only thing you can do at that point is just laugh it off with your friends who have been to Iraq and make sure you're really drunk on any occasion that requires fireworks.
....To Be Continued (Maybe)
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