The Pains of Communal Living

I want to start by saying something to all of the soldiers out there reading:

No one wants to hear your awful country music.

There. I said it. Also As much as I love the double live version of November rain with the 15 minute guitar solo, I don't want to listen to it as I am getting up in the morning, or at the end of a twelve hour day full of powerpoint presentations, and certainly not at the end of an eighteen hour flight.

You know, I understand that soliders are generally used to communal living, since that seems to be some kind of a rule with the army. You know, your battle buddy coming with you to take a crap and all that. But here's a little tidbit that all you salty dogs out there might have forgotten: Most civilians arent used to eating, sleeping, showering, pooping and doing every other activity you can think of with 15 other people. Now, I don't know about you, but I happen to enjoy my private time, so I think a little consideration is in order. Am I wrong?

I have woken up to my neighbors playing Rock Band at 3am. I have woken up to my neighbor crying on the phone to his wife (multiple times). I have woken up to rythmic knocks against the wall, I wasn't really sure what they were, but I surmise they were most likely caused by masturbation, or, in some alternate reality, sex. And suprisingly, this is nothing compared to when I was staying in a tent with nine other women at Ali Al Salem in Kuwait. I got to know my tent mates far better than I would have liked to.

I would like to lay on the table, a list of rules that should be followed for your review. Tell me what you think.



1) Don't talk to me...

a) when I am naked.

b) when I am pooping

c) when I am sleeping or trying to go to sleep

d)first thing in the morning

e) when I am on the phone

f) when you are on the phone



As a matter of fact, just don't talk.



2) I dont care about your children, husband, boyfriend, pets, boyfriend's children and pets, your sex life, your divorce, your diet, your problems, your church group, or country music. So seriously, just dont bring them up.

3) I don't want to listen to your skype conversations. Ever. They are private. So, when you are e-sexing your girlfriend, I don't want to be a part of that. I mean jeez guy! Can't I have a courtesy knock! For chrissakes!

4) Do not wake me up for any reason. Nothing says "let's be friends" better than shutting the hell up and going away

5) ... Okay, I am just reaching now, but you get the picture

Back to the Sandbox

Well, I am headed back to Iraq, the land of sand. Hey, look at that, it rhymes. Anyway, I say "back" because I was in Iraq in 2004 and Qatar in 2005. Here's a little snapshot of me in Kuwait right before we went to Iraq. As you can see, I am wearing a kevlar helmet and vest. In case you didnt know, Kevlar is extremely heavy and cumbersome. That is most likely why I am a little hunched over. Also notice the red shirt and red jacket. This is a mistake I am not likely to make again. Right before I got on the plane to get into Iraq, a soldier asked me to change my shirt. I am wearing white shoes as well. BAD choice for sandy, desert terrain. They were brown when I brought them home. Anyway, more to come soon. Just wanted to give you a taste of what is to come.