Over the course of my career contracting with the US Military, I have come across several phrases, sayings and euphanisms that can only be understood by those who have served in the military, or have at some point in their life, been a military dependent. These phrases have many different origins and meaning of varying hilarity, and I wanted to share some of them with you.
1. "Keep your head down"- Keep your head down is what you say to someone who is going into a active war zone. It's sort of like saying "break a leg" instead of "good luck" to someone who is starring in a play, at least from what I can surmise. When I was here in 2004, everyone kept telling me to keep my head down, which terrified me. Was it neccesary to keep my head down at all times? Was I in imminent danger of getting shot in the head? I think I literally kept my head down for the first month until I realized that it was just a saying.
2. "Rack Out"- To "Rack Out" means to fall asleep. Your "Rack" is your bed, and to "rack out" I guess means to fall asleep on your "rack." I guess that isn't that funny, but still, it's not something you here in normal conversation, thus its inclusion in this list.
3. "Hit" the "Head"- To hit the head means to go to the bathroom. But apparently, only for males. In 2005 when I was working for the Air Force Space Command Center, I said I was going to "hit" the "head" and everyone on my crew laughed at me. I didnt get it, until my LT said "And how do you suppose you are going to do that?" I was just trying to be cool like them! Now, I ask the meaning before I use any military saying.
4. "Weapon" and "Gun"- Apparently, soldiers carry weapons. They do not carry guns. Your "weapon" is the thing you fire at your enemy to kill them. Your "gun" on the other hand... well, you can figure it out. Think Full Metal Jacket. (this is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun). So, basically, there are few very occasions, ladies, where you would ask a soldier to see his gun. His weapon, on the other hand, he would probably be happy to show you. Well, he would probably be happy to show you his gun too... anyway, I digress.
5. "See a Man About a Dog"- My friend Tim, who works with me, told me that going to "see a man about a dog" meant you were going to go poop. However, I told my friend Paul later that evening that Tim "went to go see a man about a dog", and Paul looked at me with a big shit-eating grin. Then he told me what it REALLY means. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with pooping at all! While I don't think it neccesary to regale you with the tale of what it really means, let me instead just warn you to never, ever tell a soldier you are going to see a man about a dog.
6. "Devil Dogs"- Devil Dogs are what they call Marines. "Salty Dogs" are Marines that have seen combat, or older Marines. I don't know if that's worthy of the list or not, but I like it, so I included it.
7. "Say Again" and "Repeat"- I never understood why over the phone, soldiers always say "say again" when they want you to repeat something. Well, apparently, the only time you say "Repeat" is when you want to repeat an attack or fire. So if you simply want someone to say something again, you say "Say Again". Why the hell does the military have to make things so complicated? Why can't they just say "Fire Again" and "Repeat That" for talking. My brain is spinning now.
8. DFAC, "Chow", "Rats"- all mean food. I know, totally uneccesary. Mainly I put this in here so when I come home and I am like "Hey, let's go get some chow" or "Hey, it's time for midrats" you will understand what I am saying.
9. "Mother's Day"- According to Paul, mother's day is the 1st and 15th of every month. You pay this mother, and that mother, and that mother..... and so on and so forth
10. CHU, Can Or Hooch- You have heard me say this many times. CHU stands for Combat Housing Unit. Really what it means is "Shipping Container made to look like a trailer." That is why some people call it their "can". I am not sure where "hooch" comes from.
11. FOB- FOB stands for Forward Operating Base. For instance, where I work, JBB, is a FOB. Victory Base Camp in Baghdad is a FOB. Ali Al Salem is a FOB. You get the idea. You can also say "post" or "camp" or "base"
12. "Fobbit" or "Pogue". A Fobbit is someone who stays "inside the wire" at all times. Meaning, they stay on the base the whole time. I am a fobbit. My co workers are fobbits. Special Forces? Not fobbits. No one wants to admit they are a fobbit, but it's not that big of a deal. This is not 'Nam, folks. 'pogues' is what they used to call fobbits in Viet Nam.
13. "Click" - One click is equal to one kilometer. When I first got here in 2004, a nice solider named Aaron told me that the DFAC was "about half a click that way <------" I remember thinking to myself "THIS IS AWESOME! It's like being in the movie Platoon or something." Sadly, no one says click anymore. I guess it kind of faded away or is replaced with some new terminology that I don't know about yet.
14. MRE- Or, as Paul likes to call them "Meals Ready to Regurgitate". Meals Ready to Eat are slightly preferable to eating dirt or bugs. I think the idea behind them is that they have a ton of calories so soliders in the field can be sustained off them for long periods of time. The ONLY good MRE is the cheese ravioli, and even that's questionable. Sometimes they have brownies or cookies in them, or cinammon flavored apples, but most of the time, they are just vile. The only fun thing about them is the MRE heater, which is some kind of chemical reaction in a bag used to heat up your food. I have many, many MRE heater explosion stories. Perhaps another day.
15. Haji- A Haji is an Iraqi national usually selling bazaar type items somewhere on the FOB. Beware when using this term, it's actually quite offensive to Muslims, as a "haji" is someone making their haaj, the once in a lifetime journey to Mecca and Medina that all Muslims make. I'll cover this a little more in my upcoming article about the Middle East and its Inhabitants.
These are just the ones I can think of right now. Ill periodically update this with more sayings. I hear them every day and they just astound me. I am like "what the hell is a DOIM? What is that? I have no idea what you just said! WHAT IS WITH ALL THE ACRONYMS!"
Update: Email from Bernard:
Just so you know, the term Devil Dogs was the name given the Marines by the Germans during WWI, and Hooch is from the Nam era referring to a thatched hut..basically where they slept when they could......thought I'd give you a little info you may not have had...stupid useless info stuck in my head...lol!
Until next week...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Military Combat Flights
in 2004, when I got on the C-130 to go to Iraq from Kuwait, I was sick with what they call the "Kuwaiti crud." This is a bug that everyone gets when they first get in theater due to exposure to large amounts of dust, other peoples germs, and, as I like to say, depleted uranium in the soil (probably.) SO, that being said, My ears were clogged, my nose was clogged and I could barely breathe. I got on the plane, expexcting a somewhat normal flight, and instead was treated to an hour and 45 minutes of brutal assault on my senses in every possible way. Just like that. No warning, no leading up to it, just BAM!
Imagine, if you will, being in a flying, metal container (NOT a pressuized cabin of a jet) with 200 other people all encumbered with full body armor and kevlar helmets, packed in tight like sardines. Its about 125 degrees, you just ate an MRE, you have been traveling for 48 hours straight, and you are sick with what amounts to a bad cold. To top it off, you are already nervous because you are flying into an active war zone. You are about as relaxed as Joseph MCCarthy in Communist China. so far, the flight is going somewhat well, so you haven't vomited into your helmet or anything. Then, all of a sudden, the plane begins to lose altitude. RAPIDLY. Ever been on the "Tower of Doom" Ride at an amusement park? Yeah. Like that. Because you are brilliant, you surmise that the plane is about to land, but there is a small part of you that is wondering if all four engines just failed and the plane is plummeting to the ground. So, you look around. All the soldiers are sleeping. SLEEPING. You look at the civilian sitting directly across from you, who gives you somewhat of a reassuring glance. Then, the plane begins to lose altitude much more rapidly. Air begins to rush into your ears. Now, remember, you are sick, so your ears are filling up with air, but not releasing it. You try the plugging your nose and blowing technique, which doesn't work. You start to become slightly alarmed because you have now lost your hearing and your head feels like it's going to explode. You look at the civilian accross from you again, and he mouths "Blow hard.. it is going to hurt". So you do. It feels like someone just punched you in the ear from the inside. Then the plane lands. Welcome to Iraq!
Yeah. That really happened.
The flights now are not much better. You get into theater and immediately you are bussed to Ali Al Salem, or as I like to call it, Hell. You will probably be there for about a week in a tent with 9 or 10 other people. Trying to get on a flight is actually an even bigger pain in the ass then the flight itself, though I can not imagine why. Who the hell would EVER want to get on one of these flights? Crazy people, that's who! But for some reason, there is always a waiting list, so you end up sleeping in the PAX terminal until your name is called. This is actually preferable to sleeping in the tents. By day four, you are ready to get on a plane ANYWHERE, so long as it's not Ali Al Salem. Seriously, I will go to Afghanistan, I don't care. Then, you get on a plane, and have to deal with the above scenario. Welcome to Iraq!
The only positive flight I ever had in theater was on a Blackhawk helicopter. Honestly, if I could helo everywhere around Iraq, all the time, I would. It's a much smoother ride and it's a ton of fun and the pilot seems to know what he's doing. Plus, you then have "I have flown on a Blackhawk Helicopter" bragging rights, which is awesome.
Don't kid yourself, C-17's are not much better. There are more people and actual plane seats, sure. But there is no room between you and the other seats and when a plane that large loses altitude quickly it is far more frightening than a C-130.
I guess what I am trying to say is, working overseas has given me a new appreciation for aircraft. As someone who formerly loved to fly, I can say without a doubt now that there is no part of any flight that I enjoy. Unless I am in first class. But as far as experiences go, this is definitely a story that I enjoy telling over and over again, and it reinforces the statement that I am awesome. I guess, I have kind of my own 'war stories' that I get to tell my grandchildren. What an interesting thought.
Imagine, if you will, being in a flying, metal container (NOT a pressuized cabin of a jet) with 200 other people all encumbered with full body armor and kevlar helmets, packed in tight like sardines. Its about 125 degrees, you just ate an MRE, you have been traveling for 48 hours straight, and you are sick with what amounts to a bad cold. To top it off, you are already nervous because you are flying into an active war zone. You are about as relaxed as Joseph MCCarthy in Communist China. so far, the flight is going somewhat well, so you haven't vomited into your helmet or anything. Then, all of a sudden, the plane begins to lose altitude. RAPIDLY. Ever been on the "Tower of Doom" Ride at an amusement park? Yeah. Like that. Because you are brilliant, you surmise that the plane is about to land, but there is a small part of you that is wondering if all four engines just failed and the plane is plummeting to the ground. So, you look around. All the soldiers are sleeping. SLEEPING. You look at the civilian sitting directly across from you, who gives you somewhat of a reassuring glance. Then, the plane begins to lose altitude much more rapidly. Air begins to rush into your ears. Now, remember, you are sick, so your ears are filling up with air, but not releasing it. You try the plugging your nose and blowing technique, which doesn't work. You start to become slightly alarmed because you have now lost your hearing and your head feels like it's going to explode. You look at the civilian accross from you again, and he mouths "Blow hard.. it is going to hurt". So you do. It feels like someone just punched you in the ear from the inside. Then the plane lands. Welcome to Iraq!
Yeah. That really happened.
The flights now are not much better. You get into theater and immediately you are bussed to Ali Al Salem, or as I like to call it, Hell. You will probably be there for about a week in a tent with 9 or 10 other people. Trying to get on a flight is actually an even bigger pain in the ass then the flight itself, though I can not imagine why. Who the hell would EVER want to get on one of these flights? Crazy people, that's who! But for some reason, there is always a waiting list, so you end up sleeping in the PAX terminal until your name is called. This is actually preferable to sleeping in the tents. By day four, you are ready to get on a plane ANYWHERE, so long as it's not Ali Al Salem. Seriously, I will go to Afghanistan, I don't care. Then, you get on a plane, and have to deal with the above scenario. Welcome to Iraq!
The only positive flight I ever had in theater was on a Blackhawk helicopter. Honestly, if I could helo everywhere around Iraq, all the time, I would. It's a much smoother ride and it's a ton of fun and the pilot seems to know what he's doing. Plus, you then have "I have flown on a Blackhawk Helicopter" bragging rights, which is awesome.
Don't kid yourself, C-17's are not much better. There are more people and actual plane seats, sure. But there is no room between you and the other seats and when a plane that large loses altitude quickly it is far more frightening than a C-130.
I guess what I am trying to say is, working overseas has given me a new appreciation for aircraft. As someone who formerly loved to fly, I can say without a doubt now that there is no part of any flight that I enjoy. Unless I am in first class. But as far as experiences go, this is definitely a story that I enjoy telling over and over again, and it reinforces the statement that I am awesome. I guess, I have kind of my own 'war stories' that I get to tell my grandchildren. What an interesting thought.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
5 Reasons Why I Love Soldiers of the US Military
It has been stated by a few that I have been less than kind to my uniformed counterparts in this blog. I want to say right here and now that I mean absolutely no harm by poking the soliders with a stick, and I am sorry if it offended anyone. And to prove it, I am giving you a list of 10 reasons why I absolutely love working and associating with the US military. Enjoy!
5. Cadence-
A few weeks ago, there was a Groundhog Day 5K run that started at about 4:00 in the morning. Since I work the night shift, I got to see a constant stream of soldiers run past my shop. One unit was running together, doing a cadence. This was not my first exposure to cadence, having deployed with the military before. However, it is something I always thoroughly enjoy. I never know what it is they are saying, and really it doesn’t matter. To me, this act symbolizes the solidarity that the soldiers have, which is, of course, one of the reasons the US military is the greatest in the world. I almost wish I was cadenceing with them, if I didn’t have to run.
4. Soldiers can (and do) sleep ANYwhere.
In 2004 when I was here, I remember a soldier telling me that he slept for 20 minutes every five hours when he was on a mission because that is all the body needs to refresh itself. Now, I am sure that was an extreme case, but can you imagine? 20 minutes every 5 hours?! I would be dead on my feet after two days! Not only did he have to do this, but he was expected to be alert and accountable for his team mates as well!
I have seen soldiers sleep on a C-130 during a combat landing, in the mud in all of their gear while it was raining, in a busy airport on the floor at the gate, in the DFAC (that guy was probably straight exhausted!), packed in to various other aircrafts, on any surface, at any temperature, in any condition, without complaining. A comfortable bed is a luxury to these guys most of the time, and when they get one, you better not bother them! Anyway, I admire the fact that they can sleep like this, because if a mouse sneezes or there is a tiny crumb in my bed, I wake up instantly.
3. Soldiers pray, cry and hug each other openly-
Here they are, the toughest, saltiest dogs on the planet, in a freakin war zone. How would you expect them to act? Like John Wayne in The Green Berets? Me too. Except it’s the complete opposite. Being away from your family, enduring extreme conditions and being faced with your mortality on a daily basis doesn’t make you a hard-nosed, emotionless prick. What it does is it completely cuts out the bullshit façade completely. These guys don’t give a crap if you don’t think they are manly for praying at the dinner table or hugging their buddy, they do it anyway, because dammit, they might not get to do it tomorrow. They cry when they get care packages from their kids and tell their wives and girlfriends they love them on the phone every single time. They do this without being afraid they have to somehow defend their sexuality to their battle buddies and without any ego.
2. Soldiers motivate and care for the people around them-
When I first got to CRC, there was this big ass hill that we all had to walk up to get to some of our briefings. I suppose it really wasn’t that bad of a hill, but I was ridiculously out of shape and it was about 85 degrees in Georgia, so I had a hard time making it up the hill. There was one point when I really, honestly and truly thought I was going to pass out. Another contractor and former solider, Oz, slowed down a little bit to walk with me and carried my backpack, so I wouldn’t fall out of formation and I wouldn’t pass out. (WHY were civilians in formation anyway? Who knows!) Not exactly one of my finer moments, admittedly, but it forever cemented my friendship with Oz from that point on. Aside from being horribly embarrassing, this is a perfect example of the types of things that soliders will do for you. We had to walk up that hill every single day, and every single day Oz would grab my backpack and walk with me, giving me a motivating pep talk the whole way.
Just the other day, another soldier did something nice that surprised me. I have had a particularly nasty hacking cough for about a week now (something to do with inhaling large amounts of sand) and my CHU neighbor showed up at my door with some cough syrup and some Halls cough drops. That means he actually walked all the way up to the PX to by them for me and walked back to give them to me. I have to admit, I was really touched that there was someone out there who did something nice without asking still. The same guy has been driving me nuts for months with his loud tv and phone conversations while I am trying to sleep. But now, when I hear his tv, I just smile and go back to sleep. A little courtesy goes a long way, and this soldier knew that.
2. Soldiers motivate and care for the people around them-
Not only do they do it right, they do it right the FIRST time. Could this be a product of months of psychological conditioning that if they don’t, their NCO/CO/ETC is going to come down on them hard? Probably. However, I prefer to think that they actually take pride in doing their job and doing it correctly. For every lazy bad apple there are one thousand dedicated, hardworking men and women who know their jobs inside and out, can do it better than most civilians with 5 times the experience in the trade, and do it more efficiently. The standard shift for most soldiers is 12 hours., but most work between 16 and 19 hour days, because they want to get the job done. At least here anyway.
There are so many other reasons I love soldiers. One of the main reasons not mentioned here is that they have greta senses of humor and don't mind when a wily civilian pokes fun at them. So please, don't take anything I say here seriously, because as you can see, I really do admire the soldiers a great deal.
5. Cadence-
A few weeks ago, there was a Groundhog Day 5K run that started at about 4:00 in the morning. Since I work the night shift, I got to see a constant stream of soldiers run past my shop. One unit was running together, doing a cadence. This was not my first exposure to cadence, having deployed with the military before. However, it is something I always thoroughly enjoy. I never know what it is they are saying, and really it doesn’t matter. To me, this act symbolizes the solidarity that the soldiers have, which is, of course, one of the reasons the US military is the greatest in the world. I almost wish I was cadenceing with them, if I didn’t have to run.
4. Soldiers can (and do) sleep ANYwhere.
In 2004 when I was here, I remember a soldier telling me that he slept for 20 minutes every five hours when he was on a mission because that is all the body needs to refresh itself. Now, I am sure that was an extreme case, but can you imagine? 20 minutes every 5 hours?! I would be dead on my feet after two days! Not only did he have to do this, but he was expected to be alert and accountable for his team mates as well!
I have seen soldiers sleep on a C-130 during a combat landing, in the mud in all of their gear while it was raining, in a busy airport on the floor at the gate, in the DFAC (that guy was probably straight exhausted!), packed in to various other aircrafts, on any surface, at any temperature, in any condition, without complaining. A comfortable bed is a luxury to these guys most of the time, and when they get one, you better not bother them! Anyway, I admire the fact that they can sleep like this, because if a mouse sneezes or there is a tiny crumb in my bed, I wake up instantly.
3. Soldiers pray, cry and hug each other openly-
Here they are, the toughest, saltiest dogs on the planet, in a freakin war zone. How would you expect them to act? Like John Wayne in The Green Berets? Me too. Except it’s the complete opposite. Being away from your family, enduring extreme conditions and being faced with your mortality on a daily basis doesn’t make you a hard-nosed, emotionless prick. What it does is it completely cuts out the bullshit façade completely. These guys don’t give a crap if you don’t think they are manly for praying at the dinner table or hugging their buddy, they do it anyway, because dammit, they might not get to do it tomorrow. They cry when they get care packages from their kids and tell their wives and girlfriends they love them on the phone every single time. They do this without being afraid they have to somehow defend their sexuality to their battle buddies and without any ego.
2. Soldiers motivate and care for the people around them-
When I first got to CRC, there was this big ass hill that we all had to walk up to get to some of our briefings. I suppose it really wasn’t that bad of a hill, but I was ridiculously out of shape and it was about 85 degrees in Georgia, so I had a hard time making it up the hill. There was one point when I really, honestly and truly thought I was going to pass out. Another contractor and former solider, Oz, slowed down a little bit to walk with me and carried my backpack, so I wouldn’t fall out of formation and I wouldn’t pass out. (WHY were civilians in formation anyway? Who knows!) Not exactly one of my finer moments, admittedly, but it forever cemented my friendship with Oz from that point on. Aside from being horribly embarrassing, this is a perfect example of the types of things that soliders will do for you. We had to walk up that hill every single day, and every single day Oz would grab my backpack and walk with me, giving me a motivating pep talk the whole way.
Just the other day, another soldier did something nice that surprised me. I have had a particularly nasty hacking cough for about a week now (something to do with inhaling large amounts of sand) and my CHU neighbor showed up at my door with some cough syrup and some Halls cough drops. That means he actually walked all the way up to the PX to by them for me and walked back to give them to me. I have to admit, I was really touched that there was someone out there who did something nice without asking still. The same guy has been driving me nuts for months with his loud tv and phone conversations while I am trying to sleep. But now, when I hear his tv, I just smile and go back to sleep. A little courtesy goes a long way, and this soldier knew that.
2. Soldiers motivate and care for the people around them-
Not only do they do it right, they do it right the FIRST time. Could this be a product of months of psychological conditioning that if they don’t, their NCO/CO/ETC is going to come down on them hard? Probably. However, I prefer to think that they actually take pride in doing their job and doing it correctly. For every lazy bad apple there are one thousand dedicated, hardworking men and women who know their jobs inside and out, can do it better than most civilians with 5 times the experience in the trade, and do it more efficiently. The standard shift for most soldiers is 12 hours., but most work between 16 and 19 hour days, because they want to get the job done. At least here anyway.
There are so many other reasons I love soldiers. One of the main reasons not mentioned here is that they have greta senses of humor and don't mind when a wily civilian pokes fun at them. So please, don't take anything I say here seriously, because as you can see, I really do admire the soldiers a great deal.
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